Feck is Dead! Long Live Feck!

Feck is dead--miss him, miss him.

I enjoy writing this blog but it doesn't exactly have a huge following. Thank you to the ones of you that read it.

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Sorry, Charlie! Sheen Found Drunk

Charlie Sheen, drunk and destructive? I can't believe it! I really thought he'd gotten it together after his punishment for...for...oh, that's right, he's never truly faced the consequences of his actions. I pity the poor celebrity who never gets to benefit from the lessons of the real world like the rest of us.

Then again, he may just have wanted to emulate every rock star who's ever trashed a room at the Plaza. Note to Sheen: You're not a rock star. You're a flabby sitcom actor with a blown septum and a penchant for shedding your dignity at every opportunity.

Still, would sobering up really make him a more useful human being? Discuss.

Update:

The New York Post reports that Sheen was snorting cocaine with a prostitute before the police arrived. (Who hasn't?)  Mr. Sheen's rep would not comment on the Post's claims, simply telling Us Weekly: "What we are able to determine is that Charlie had an adverse allergic reaction to some medication and was taken to the hospital."

Of course, an allergic reaction. That explains it. That must have been one special medication he was taking. I've had allergic reactions myself but they've never caused me to trash a hotel room with a screaming naked hooker locked in the closet. I usually just get hives.

More sordid stories:
Charlie Sheen, The New York Times and Me
I Could Have Been in the Times!
Charlie Sheen Doesn't Need Rehab!

Famous Last Words

From New York magazine, which describes Roald Dahl, beloved children's author, as a "benevolent sadist":

The endings of Dahl’s stories are almost always surprising, even when we know the twist is coming. This talent, it turns out, applied equally to the author’s own life. In a hospital, surrounded by family, Dahl reassured everyone, sweetly, that he wasn’t afraid of death. “It’s just that I will miss you all so much,” he said—the perfect final words. Then, as everyone sat quietly around him, a nurse pricked him with a needle, and he said his actual last words: “Ow, fuck!” 

Feckless Douche of the Week: Scott Lively and his Pink Swastika

I can't believe that the position of Top Douchebag has been so quickly usurped from Mark Williams, formerly of Tea Party Express. I believed at the time that Williams might well have bagged Douche of the Year.

But that was before I became acquainted with Pastor Scott Lively, president of "Defend the Family" and co-author of The Pink Swastika: Homosexuality in the Nazi Party. He appeared recently in a segment on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Pastor Lively told Jason Jones, "Open homosexuals are distinct from everybody else, men and women, in being exceptionally brutal and savage....Adolf Hitler used homosexual soldiers because they were more savage than natural men," adding, "they didn't have the restraint a normal man has. It was easier for them to do some of the terrible things that the Nazis did."

Researching Pastor Lively, I discovered more interesting nuggets about Hitler and his cronies. The initial meeting of what would become the Nazi Party took place in a gay bar. Each young Brownshirt was matched up with a homosexual male adult to initiate him into the league of gay Aryan supermen.

So how to explain the extermination of gays by the Third Reich? Pastor Lively has a simple answer. "The Nazis did persecute homosexuals to distract public attention away from their homosexuality."

To be honest, I was shocked at the number of sites recommending The Pink Swastika as well-supported historical fact being suppressed by gay activists and even by the National Holocaust Museum. The book is now in its fourth edition due to nice Christian groups all over the internet plugging it almost as hard as they peddle the Almighty.

Then it started to make me ill. WWJB, people? What would Jesus blog? I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take to the Web in support of a book that advocates murdering homosexuals. I'm not talking about the Nazis this time: I'm referring to Pastor Lively's book, sermons and life's work. So I'd like to let Jason Jones take over and make light of this bizarre yet influential man.

Gay Reichs
www.thedailyshow.com

Lively lets us know he wishes this cup could be taken from him. "It's not easy to be a person who tells the truth when a large part of the population doesn't want to hear it. Frankly, I wish I'd gotten a different assignment....I woulda loved to just been hanging out on the beach someplace. But instead I got stuck with dealing with homosexual Nazis."

Pastor, you seem to me every bit as brutal and savage as the fantasy you promote as truth. Far be it from me to suggest that you tell this story to the next guy you see with a swastika tattoo. I'm sure he'd enjoy acquainting you with your feminine side.

But that wouldn't be very Christian of me, would it? Not that I'm Christian; I'm not. I just have a conscience. Since you most likely believe in an afterlife, though, allow me to paint you a picture. Fire. Brimstone. You, sucking Satan's balls for all eternity. Bon appetit!


More douches:
Feckless Douche of the Week: Mark Williams
Feckless Douche of the Week: Rush Limbaugh

Feckless Douche of the Week: Mark Williams

I know, I know. You were expecting Mel Gibson. Or maybe Whoopi Goldberg. But Mark Williams, organizer of the Tea Party Express, has proven himself the douchiest of them all!

This guy's got a bee in his bonnet about the NAACP condemning the Tea Party's tolerance of racism. He countered Monday on CNN's Situation Room by saying that it's the NAACP that's racist. Why? Well, for one thing, it uses the words "colored people" in its name. Also, "the NAACP is a bunch of old dusty old relics trying to stay relevant in the 21st century and they make money off of race-baiting."

The Tea Party, however, is to Williams "... a movement based on the Constitution of the United States. Therefore, it is impossible to be a racist and a Tea Partier because the Constitution is all about individual rights and civil rights." I don't think that even qualifies as pretzel logic. And I'd like to point out that denying a person's ability to be racist is, in itself, a little racist.

Wolf Blitzer, citing racist representations of Barack Obama, asked, "Should the Tea Party leaders be more assertive in disassociating and condemning these outbursts?" Williams responded, "Well, since every Tea Partier is the Tea Party leader, there is no formal organization, that's exactly what they do....After buying the mainstream media myth that they're going to find a happy home in the Tea Party, racists quickly find out that it's all about rights and that's not what racism is about. It's about America and the ideal of equality."

That might be easier to believe if there weren't so many images of Tea Partiers with signs depicting Obama as a witch doctor, Hitler or the Joker, to name but a few. Then there's the sweet little old lady holding a stuffed monkey and a sign that says, "Send Obuma Back To Kenya." I'm guessing she doesn't cry socialism when she gets her Social Security check.

Williams said it's not his job "to police the personal beliefs of everyone in the Tea Party." Fair enough. But would Martin Luther King have spoken up if the Klan showed up at his rally? I think so. When Roland Martin pressed Williams to tell racists they're not welcome in the Tea Party, he responded, "The racists have their own organization. It's called the NAACP...a bunch of old fossils looking to make a buck off skin color."

Then he and Martin showed up on Anderson Cooper 360 and did it all again. What was said? To be honest, I got distracted by Martin's penchant for using the word "epitaph" when I believe he meant "epithet." I remember Williams blaming the media again for "inviting" the racists to rallies. Blah blah blah. Listen, I'd be perfectly happy if "news" cameras stopped showing up at these events. It's the attention that feeds the movement. And the need to fill a twenty-four hour news cycle feeds the networks. It's a symbiotic relationship.

After his appearances on CNN, Williams still felt the need to share his outrage. So, on Tuesday, in an interview on NPR, Williams said, "You're dealing with people who are professional race-baiters, who make a very good living off this kind of thing. They make more money off of race than any slave trader ever. It's time groups like the NAACP went to the trash heap of history where they belong with all the other vile racist groups that emerged in our history."

Temporarily out of the spotlight, Williams took to his blog and dashed off a fake letter to Lincoln from NAACP president Ben Jealous. I refuse to link directly to his blog, so that link is to another site that quotes the entire post.

In this fake letter, the NAACP has changed its mind about emancipation. It's mind blowing. You should really read the entire post, but here's a snippet:

...The racist tea parties also demand that the government "stop the out of control spending." Again, they directly target Colored People. That means we Colored People would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government "stop raising our taxes." That is outrageous! How will we Colored People ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

Mark Williams: for your insistence you don't support racism after calling Obama an "Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug" (people keep records of these things, you know), for your contagious ignorance and egregious misuse of satire, you are officially Douche of the Week. Hell, you might even be Douche of the Year. Watch your back, Mel! This crazy racist is gaining on you!

*****

Update:

On Friday, Williams appeared on MSNBC and claimed that the NAACP brought offensive signs to rallies to make innocent tea partiers seem racist: video here.  TPM's Evan McMorris-Santoro calls Williams the King of "Accidental" Racism.

Over the weekend, Williams removed the "letter to Lincoln" from his blog, while still protesting that it was intended as satire. Meanwhile, the National Tea Party Federation expelled Williams and his Tea Party Express. That group's spokesman, David Webb, appeared on CNN and CBS' Face the Nation and called the blog post offensive but not racist. On both programs, NAACP's Ben Jealous called bullshit on that.

Meanwhile, Williams says he's done talking about the controversy, which he says Webb has turned into a World Wrestling Style personality conflict." How long will he be able to keep his mouth shut? Stay tuned.

Previous honorees:
Feckless Douche of the Week: Rush Limbaugh
Feckless Liar of the Week: Spencer Pratt