Sorry, Charlie! Sheen Found Drunk

Charlie Sheen, drunk and destructive? I can't believe it! I really thought he'd gotten it together after his punishment for...for...oh, that's right, he's never truly faced the consequences of his actions. I pity the poor celebrity who never gets to benefit from the lessons of the real world like the rest of us.

Then again, he may just have wanted to emulate every rock star who's ever trashed a room at the Plaza. Note to Sheen: You're not a rock star. You're a flabby sitcom actor with a blown septum and a penchant for shedding your dignity at every opportunity.

Still, would sobering up really make him a more useful human being? Discuss.

Update:

The New York Post reports that Sheen was snorting cocaine with a prostitute before the police arrived. (Who hasn't?)  Mr. Sheen's rep would not comment on the Post's claims, simply telling Us Weekly: "What we are able to determine is that Charlie had an adverse allergic reaction to some medication and was taken to the hospital."

Of course, an allergic reaction. That explains it. That must have been one special medication he was taking. I've had allergic reactions myself but they've never caused me to trash a hotel room with a screaming naked hooker locked in the closet. I usually just get hives.

More sordid stories:
Charlie Sheen, The New York Times and Me
I Could Have Been in the Times!
Charlie Sheen Doesn't Need Rehab!

Famous Last Words

From New York magazine, which describes Roald Dahl, beloved children's author, as a "benevolent sadist":

The endings of Dahl’s stories are almost always surprising, even when we know the twist is coming. This talent, it turns out, applied equally to the author’s own life. In a hospital, surrounded by family, Dahl reassured everyone, sweetly, that he wasn’t afraid of death. “It’s just that I will miss you all so much,” he said—the perfect final words. Then, as everyone sat quietly around him, a nurse pricked him with a needle, and he said his actual last words: “Ow, fuck!”